im not sure if i like it..

how do u feel when u r growing up too fast.. where everything and nearly everyone is drifting so far away until u can barely get a good grasp of it?? i felt……. lost…….

a fren told me its juz part and parcel of growing up… but i reali dun get it.. fren and fren used to say to each other tat they will bring their bfs along for e gathering n still hav a gd time together.. y isnt tis materialising?? y did everyone hu has bf turned up n everything felt like its for show?? is it so hard to preserve the genuine frenship among us?? or it doesnt even exist in e 1st place??

it took a very little thing such as a bbq to show how surface everything has became.. mayb A & B r still gd frens to each other.. mayb B & D r still more true to each other but juz not tat true to e others.. which goes to show even more how surface it has been.. n how frenship has became a mandatory for everyone only perhaps.. how did everything metamorphose to tis??

it may b tat i am e only one hu is affected by all these.. i hav been thinking abt it e whole nite long.. e sadness is overwhelming.. a fren said to me ironically not to hav any expectations (tis is wat i hav said b4) so tat u wont hav any disappointment.. in fact i din reali expect anything out of it.. its juz e realisation of how e situation has changed tat stunned me.. mayb i am e only one not growing up.. still wanting to live in my naive world even though many hav moved on to their better world, forsaking those behind.. or mayb i hav been mistaken all along..

a few of them had told me “ya, e feeling is not like last time le..” y is it tat last time we can enjoy simple happiness like bbqing or having chalet together?? now some juz dun give a damn?? has work and life changed them so much until they crave for bigger things, n hav forgotten everything abt simple happiness?? i meant for tis bbq to capture e past happy times we used to have.. now i felt im so wrong.. i guess i have put my wrong foot in for tis.. n feel like a dumb fool for feeling so sad abt it.. has it became so hard tat we cannot even hold a proper conversation together.. u juz talk for e sake of talking..

i felt like a clown.. dancing and jumping all around like a small kid, squeaking in high notes over little things tat mayb do not call for excitement now come to tink of it.. n my behaviour mite b even deemed as annoying.. i felt like i am still a small kid but everyone has evolved to a lady… WHAT HAS HAPPENED??

true frens remain in e heart.. on e way back last nite, i was feeling terribly sad.. no matter wat it is, i din wanna lose any one of u as fren.. frenship needs alot of work 2 make it last.. but wat i will learn is i will slowly release, even though it hurts a damn lot of hell..